Love me, Love me not
by RamblingPug
Summary: Summary : "I'm no good for him, Tomoyo," she whispered, through her tears. All her life, Daidouji Tomoyo has loved Kinomoto Sakura. Comfort leads to an intense exchange between the two friends. What happens when a certain amber eyed boy is back to claim his love? SxS, ExT.
1. Chapter 1

Love me, love me not.

Disclaimer : I don't own CCS. (Sadly)

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Summary : "I'm no good for him, Tomoyo," she whispered, through her tears.

All her life, Daidouji Tomoyo has loved Kinomoto Sakura. Comfort leads to an intense exchange between the two friends. What happens when a certain amber eyed boy is back to claim his love?

SxS, ExT.

* * *

PROLOGUE

She had no idea how she had found herself in this position again. Rather, she didn't understand why Sakura had to go through all of this over and over again. Because this certainly wasn't the first time. Stupid Syaoran and his stupid family, she cursed, as her best friend sobbed uncontrollably in her arms. "Sakura, come on, look at me. You know Syaoran; he probably has no idea about this. Just talk to him? He tries calling you at least once a week, ne? Wait for him, Sakura. Don't lose faith." "No, Tomoyo. Yelan-san is right," she said, in between tears, "All I am is a distraction. He has so many responsibilities. This relationship is putting too much pressure on him. I don't want him to disappoint his family."

Tomoyo looked at the resolute expression on her best friend's face and knew that it didn't bode well for the troubled lovers. "What are you going to do?" "I'm going to write him a letter. If I truly care for him.." she couldn't bring herself to complete the sentence. "Think about this carefully, Sakura! You shouldn't do something you'll regret." She was worried. She never thought Sakura would take it this far. Sakura took a deep breath. "I-I need to end this." Her voice trembled with the threat of unspilled tears. Tomoyo was taken aback.

Syaoran had been all Sakura had ever thought of since she was eleven, from way back in the days of the clow cards. He had been there for her through it all. The crisis in Hong Kong. The disaster with void. She had confessed her love for him and leapt into his arms. Arms that were wide open for her, and had remained so since. Despite the 800 miles between Hong Kong and Tomoeda, there was no other girl for him but Kinomoto Sakura.

And it had stayed that way for 6 long years. Sakura had grown into a beautiful young woman of 17. A fact that her best friend Daidouji Tomoyo found increasingly hard to ignore. But Syaoran had made Sakura happy. And as cheesy as it sounded, Tomoyo's happiness lay in Sakura's happiness, in her cheerful demeanor and the lively spring in her steps. She couldn't watch her throw it all away. In vain, she tried again. "Sakura, think of Syaoran. You'll break his heart. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what happened. Just talking to him will make you feel better." But there was no convincing Sakura. "I don't want him to go through so much trouble just for me. It's not fair. You know what Yelan-san said. There's no way he's coming back to Japan. The Elders wouldn't allow it." She choked on a sob. "A-And even if I go to Hong Kong.. they wouldn't let me near him. They've picked someone else for him. Someone smart and beautiful. Someone who knows all their traditions, who'd fit in with his family-","But Li would never allow it! He loves you, Sakura. He will face the elders. He doesn't want someone who's rich and knows all their traditions. And he certainly doesn't care for somebody who's going to bend their knee for everything thing the Elders or his mother says. You know how he feels about such people. "All he wants," she said, squeezing her hand, "is you."

She blinked up at Tomoyo, her emerald orbs moist. She wanted desperately to believe everything Tomoyo had told her. She wanted to focus on the positives, like she always did. She remembered the way he had held her the last time he had come to Tomoeda. He had held her like she was the most precious thing in the world._ I know things are a little difficult, Sakura, he said. I know I'm never there for you. But I'll make it up to you. _He had even joked, _Someday I'll be around so much that you'll have to kick me out to get some time to yourself._ And then he had kissed her. Because at the end of the day, there was only so much that words could convey. The memories left a physical ache in her heart. Yelan's words came crashing back to her. _All you have done is render my son weak. He had so much potential. Now he's just a disappointment. If you care about him like you claim, you will not associate yourself with him any longer. _"They've found someone better for him." "Sakura-","I'm no good for him, Tomoyo."

Seeing her like this broke Tomoyo's heart. "Sakura," she said, gently tipping Sakura's chin up so that she could meet her gaze. "You're the most beautiful, amazing girl I know. There is _nobody _better than you." And without thinking, she placed a soft kiss on Sakura's lips.

Sakura was startled. "Tomo..yo!", she squeaked, only for it to be drowned in the kiss. Her lips parted. She couldn't think, a distant part of her brain registering the momentary shock. The feelings that washed over her were ones she had never felt before. Most of all, she felt the pain beginning to fade. She placed a hand on Tomoyo's cheek. The physical contact intensified the kiss. Intensity that made Tomoyo very aware of what was happening. Reluctantly, she pulled away. She flashed her ever-peaceful smile at Sakura, while inside, she was reeling.

Sakura was in a daze. She could not comprehend what had just happened, only that it had felt different.. and _good_. _Did Tomoyo really..?_ _Did I just imagine that..? _She looked at Tomoyo, her long, dark hair, flowing in beautiful waves down to her chest. Her cheeks were slightly flushed. Yet she wore such a serene smile, it made her wonder whether something out of the ordinary had indeed just happened. Looking into those amethyst eyes, it was the first time in a long, long while that Sakura had felt so _aware_.

The last time was with Syaoran. The very thought of his name was accompanied by something that felt like a sharp stab of pain. Just for a moment she had forgotten. She had forgotten that her heart had broken in two

.

"T-Tomo-yo..," she whispered. "Sakura, I-," Tomoyo racked her brain for a way she could explain this to Sakura. the last thing she wanted was to drive her away. Sakura looked down, unable to look her friend in the eye.

"Could you.. kiss me again?"

Tomoyo was stunned. Her entire life she had been in love with Kinomoto Sakura. She remembered when they had first become friends at the age of 6. Hell, she still had the eraser Sakura had given her when they had first met. She was always the first one to know about Sakura's feelings. She had even rooted her for all the way, controlling her own emotions all the while. She also knew that her feelings would never be returned. And she had been happy, content to be her best friend.. Till now. Now she knew what it felt like to kiss her. That kiss had left her disoriented. It had unlocked a torrent of emotion that Tomoyo had never let to the surface.

Her mind was spinning. That kiss was something she would treasure forever. And now Sakura was asking for it again. Her face was flushed, her pink lips parted slightly. And they were all Tomoyo could think of. Before the last semblance of reason escaped her, she said, "Are you sure?" Sakura wiped the last of her tears and looked directly into her eyes. "It took the pain away."

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**A/N : Slightly OOC? Sorry about that! I just wanted to say that despite what this chapter seems like, this is NOT a yuri story! I am too big a fan of the SxS pairing to let this happen. :D They're soulmates, Remember? **

**So please read on!**

**I'm pretty new to this, so.. the review button is right below. Any comments or feedback is much appreciated! **

**Pug**


	2. Chapter 2

**Love me, Love me not.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own CCS (sadly).**

* * *

**Summary : "I'm no good for him, Tomoyo," she whispered, through her tears.**

**All her life, Daidouji Tomoyo has loved Kinomoto Sakura. Comfort leads to an intense exchange between the two friends. What happens when a certain amber eyed boy is back to claim his love?**

**SxS, ExT.**

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Chapter 2

_Sakura was worried. He had told her he would pick her up at 7.30. Syaoran was never late. She had tried calling his phone several times, only to find the line busy. _I wonder if something's wrong, she thought, looking at the clock for what seemed the millionth time that hour. _It was 8.15. if he wasn't going to show, he would have definitely told her. He couldn't have forgotten, could he? _

_Sakura sprang up when she heard the doorbell. Syaoran entered her doorway looking disheveled and visibly seething. "Syaoran!" "I'm sorry, Sakura. It's my mother. She just called me. She.. She returned to Hong Kong sooner than we expected.." She could see that he was livid. She knew what this meant. "She wants you to come back." She lowered her gaze, not wanting her to see the disappointment etched on her face. "I am so sorry. I know we were supposed to have dinner together. But she.. She refuses to understand! I-", Sakura placed a hand on his arm wanting to comfort him. He sounded so helpless. She looked up at him, doing her best to smile. "Stop apologizing. I understand." _

_Her touch jolted him out of his anger. It was then that he realized that he hadn't even looked at her. He looked into her deep emerald eyes. "It was really nice to see you, Syaoran," she said softly, blushing under his gaze. She laced her fingers through his. "These last few days have been..", she trailed off, not knowing how to describe the depth of her feelings in words. _

_Syaoran had been so busy ranting about his mother and her obstinate ways that he hadn't really _looked _at her. He truly felt that he had wasted his time._

_Sakura wore a simple deep blue dress that rested barely a few inches above her knees, showcasing her long, toned legs. The color set her eyes off beautifully. He took in the way the fabric hung to every dip and curve of her body. The dainty off-shoulder design left him wanting to kiss every inch of her creamy shoulder. _

_"Sakura." his breath hitched in his throat. In one swift motion, he had her nestled between himself and the door. "Look at me," he whispered, kissing her softly at the crook of her neck. Her entire body quivered at the touch of his lips to her bare skin. She tilted her head up slightly. He turned her chin so that she could face him directly. Seeing those bright emerald eyes blink up at him, he knew he was done for. "I can't take this anymore," he breathed, against her lips._

_And neither could she, she realized as she snaked her arms around his neck and sealed her lips to his._

_The moments he got to hold Sakura like this were few. And very precious. The feel of her mouth against his drove him crazy. He nipped at her lower lip, gaining entry into her mouth. His tongue roamed her mouth greedily, as his hands mimicked its actions on her body. He berated himself mentally, for his hands had no control, shamelessly moving higher. _

_Sakura's body responded in ways it never had, pressing into him. He half groaned as his hands finally found her breasts, shaping them. She kissed him back passionately, her hands fisting his hair._

_They had kissed many times before, but never like this. The urgency in him was new and undeniable. And it _thrilled _her._

_His hands had begun to move dangerously lower, eagerly exploring her body. Unable to battle his desires, they inched under the hem of her dress. She pulled at his shirt, loving the feel of his hard body against her. He ran his hands along her smooth thighs, eliciting a gasp of pleasure. _

_Seeing it as a sign of approval, his hands roamed further, caressing her inner thighs. "Oh, Syao..," she moaned into his kiss. He became acutely aware of a certain part of his anatomy which was now wide awake. It didn't help that she had now successfully undone the three topmost buttons of his shirt and her small hands were getting familiar with the rigid planes of his chest. _

_Sakura had never felt like this before. It was as if her body was on fire, burning with a need for more. More than just his teasing. _

_Her moans were interrupted by the sound of a car entering the driveway._

_Cursing under his breath, Syaoran pulled away from his girlfriend reluctantly. "Onii-chan", she muttered. "Must you always ruin things?" _

_The mention of her brother brought Syaoran crashing back down to earth and into panic mode. He looked at Sakura. Her face was flushed, her lips swollen from his assault. Her dress had ridden up almost to her hips, exposing her pale pink underwear. He blushed, thinking of how it had gotten that way. _

_Hurriedly, he buttoned his shirt trying (in vain) not to be distracted by the sight of his girlfriend adjusting her bra. _

Sakura woke up with a start, her face flushed. She had been dreaming of him again. Her heart was still racing. The dream felt so real. She half expected Syaoran to be standing in front of her, his face inches from her, breathing heavily from their moment of passion.

But he wasn't there. She was alone in her room with the thoughts of him that gripped at her with a tenacity that she just could not overcome. She was bereft.

Each day was no better than the previous. Waking up was the worst, she decided. It hurt to wake up and see that her dream was nothing more than a reflection of her weakness. A divine weakness, she admitted.

She looked at the clock. 4 AM. Beside her pillow lay the pen and the paper that she fallen asleep clutching. Another failed attempt to write to him. She picked up the paper, still damp thanks to the onslaught of tears that accompanied every thought of the letter she needed to write.

* * *

It had been 4 days since Yelan- san had called Sakura. 4 days since she effectively ordered Sakura to stay away from her son for his own well-being. She knew she had to call it off. It had been 4 days and she had she yet to write him the letter. She hadn't even mustered up the courage to look at the caller id on her cellphone every time it rang. She had once caught a glimpse of the words "UNKNOWN" flashing on the screen and she knew. She instinctively knew that it would be him. But she wasn't ready to talk to him yet. It would culminate in a waterfall of her tears and helpless pleas to Syaoran, saying that she missed him. And as much as she wanted to hear his words of comfort right now, she knew that she had to be firm. This was the best.. For him. She looked down at the letter that she had begun to write.

_Dear Syaoran,_

Her hands had barely been able to finish writing the word. That was all it took. The mere mention of his name left her disoriented. She had been hit by the full impact of how much she missed him. She was sad, no, heartbroken that the Li family would never accept her. But most of all, she just missed him. She suffered an inexplicable longing to see him. She didn't want to worry about his mother or his family or the damned consequences of their relationship.. she just wanted to _see _him. She wanted to reach out and run her fingers through the dark, unruly bangs that always seemed to hide the amber eyes she loved so much.

_Dammit, _she thought frustrated that tears stung her eyes once again. Every day had become unbearable. Unbearably the same. She would cry herself to sleep, dream of him, miss him when she woke up, cry again. She was disgusted. _No more, _she thought to herself. Tomorrow she would write to him, she decided determinedly. _Tomorrow there won't be any tears, _she promised herself, as the exhaustion pulled her eyelids shut.

* * *

Tomoyo pulled up into Sakura's driveway. It was early, only 7.30 in the morning. School didn't start till 9 and knowing Sakura she would probably still be asleep. Well.. That's what Sakura _would _be doing if it were a couple of weeks ago. Now, she wasn't so sure. The lack of sleep at night was taking a toll on her. She tried her level best to hide it, but Tomoyo could see that she was still hurting.

It was Sakura; Tomoyo noticed _everything._

It had been four days since Yelan-san had called Sakura. Four days since Sakura had made up her mind to break things off with Syaoran. Four days since that _kiss. _It made Tomoyo heady just thinking about it. It had also been four days since things had changed.

She had to admit, things could have been a lot worse. Luckily things weren't that awkward between them. On the contrary, Sakura was still her old, cheerful self with Tomoyo. Well, at least she tried to be. In fact, she had been spending all her time with her. _I-I don't want to be left alone, Tomoyo. I don't want to think, _she had said. And Tomoyo hadn't left her side since.

But the subtle changes were evident. Every touch, every smile, was different. They made Tomoyo weak.

_Her fingers wound in Sakura's short auburn hair, her other hand entwined with hers. She was driven shamelessly by the thought Sakura's soft voice asking her for a kiss. Doing her best to keep the years of unexpressed love under control, Tomoyo kissed her as gently as she could. As Sakura's lips parted, she traced her tongue softly inside her mouth, as if to comfort her, to make her forget the pain. To reassure her that everything would be alright._

Despite her worry for her friend, Tomoyo chuckled. Sakura was so easy to read, that was one of the things she loved most about her. But the thought nagged at her. They hadn't really kissed after that.. neither had they spoken about it. They hadn't spoken of Syaoran either. And that, Tomoyo decided, was far more important. When she had tried broaching the subject, Sakura had firmly said that she didn't want to talk about it. And so she had left it at that.

But now, she had no choice. Not after the call she had gotten this morning. She had let things stay like this long enough.

* * *

"Ohayou, Fujitaka-san", Tomoyo said, as Sakura's father greeted her and let her into the house. "Daidouji-san! You're early today. I'm afraid your friend isn't quite as enthusiastic about mornings as you are," he said, chuckling. Tomoyo answered laughingly, "Well nothing can save her now!" Tomoyo bounded up the stairs, feeling slightly guilty that she was about to disturb the sleep that she knew had been evading Sakura lately.

She knocked. After waiting for a couple of minutes, Tomoyo let herself in. Just as she suspected, Sakura was still dead to the world, burrowed under the covers.

Tomoyo pulled down the covers slightly, uncovering her face.

She was shocked at her friends appearance. The dried up tears had left tracks that stood out on her pale skin. Her hair was disheveled in her sleep, and she looked like anything but the cheerful emerald eyed girl she had come to love.

And her room was no different. Yes Sakura was infamous for her tardiness and frequent bouts of laziness. And she was definitely careless. But this.. this was just plain dirty.

Sighing, Tomoyo shook her gently. She stirred, stretching attractively in her sleep. Blushing at the thoughts it had sparked in her mind, Tomoyo shook her again, this time a little more forcefully.

"Syaoran.." Sakura mumbled. Trying desperately to ignore the stab of jealousy that Sakura's words had affected, she shook her again. "Sakura. Seriously, GET UP."

Sleepy emerald eyes blinked up at her, taking a minute to focus. "Oh Tomoyo," she smiled sleepily, "It's you. Ohayou!" _Who else did you think it would be, _the snarky side of her wanted to retort, but Tomoyo refrained. She was trying her level best to not think about how appealing the auburn haired girl looked, with that lost and sleepy expression on her face. Tomoyo's eyes fell on the dried up tear tracks once more. She swept her eyes across the room.

"Sakura, what were you doing?" A tone of annoyance had crept into Tomoyo's voice. "I-I.. was still in bed." Sakura's words barely came out as a mumble. She didn't dare to look at Tomoyo at that moment. Sakura knew fully well what she was talking about.

"This has got to stop." Tomoyo's voice was threatening. "W-What are you-?" "This, Sakura!" Tomoyo gestured at the pigsty that was once Sakura's room exasperatedly. She threw aside a couple of tshirts that lay heaped up beside the table. Her eyes widened as she saw what the clothes had concealed.

Besides Sakura's desk was a huge pile of wadded up balls of paper. They stacked up almost as high as the desk itself.

Tomoyo picked up one of the numerous crumpled papers and unravelled it. The writing was shabby, the the words written by an unsteady hand. The paper was damp; the ink had blotted most likely by the stains caused by teardrops. Tomoyo didn't know what to say.

* * *

She felt her best friend's sorrow almost as if it were her own. It mirrored a sorrow that she had heard over the phone early this morning. A sense of despair that touched her from 800 miles away.

Syaoran had called Tomoyo early this morning. He did his best to not sound frantic. He hadn't received a letter from Sakura in 4 days. It wasn't normal. She wasn't lifting her cell either. _Tell me she's alright, Daidouji, _he had said. She had reassured him to the best of her ability, promising him that she would get in touch. It wasn't her place to tell him what Sakura was going through. They needed to sort it out between themselves.

_But you don't want them to sort it out, do you, Tomoyo? _

She swore her subconscious was evil.

"Where is your phone?" Tomoyo was angry. Angry at Sakura for not picking up his calls. Angry for not writing to him. And mad as hell for doing this to herself.. and trying to deal with it alone.

Managing to fish out Sakura's phone from the pigsty, she opened it to find 6 missed calls. 2 were from a number saved as 'Syao home' and 4 others from unknown numbers all clearly from Hong Kong.

"What are you thinking?" Tomoyo tried desperately to hide her anger but it was futile.

"I'm trying," Sakura said, her eyes closed weakly, "I've been trying really hard to write to him."

"But you can't. Is that right?" Sarcasm was the tone of the hour. "Look at me, Sakura." Tomoyo spoke slowly. She could only imagine what state she would be in if she hadn't heard from Sakura in that long. "He tried calling you SIX times." "I can't speak to him, Tomoyo. I don't have the strength-", "SIX times, Sakura! He's worried sick. He's been to hell and back imagining all sorts of reasons why he hasn't heard from you."

Sakura gasped. She hadn't thought of that. The last thing she wanted to do was worry him.

Tomoyo's voice softened. "Talk to him. He needs it just as much as you do." It was as she spoke the words, that she realized just how true they really were. And she hated it.

* * *

Sakura took the phone from Tomoyo and slowly dialed Syaoran's number. "Whatever I do.. I only make things hard for him," she whispered.

Tomoyo looked into those forlorn green eyes and sat down beside Sakura, on the bed. She took Sakura's hands gently in her own, as Sakura waited for Syaoran to pick up the phone.

She gripped Tomoyo's hand as the ringing stopped.

"Sakura?" his voice was tentative; low. He dared to hope that it was finally her. Syaoran's voice was her undoing. "Oh, Syao.." she whispered, and her emotions broke loose.

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**A/N : ****A big thank you to everyone who followed, it's very exciting! Haha!**

**I'm not too sure how this chapter turned out.. :S It took me too long to update. Is the chapter too long? Was it boring? Please, Please leave an honest review! I really want to improve.**

**I've already started writing chapter 3, so it should be up soon. :) And I promise Sakura won't be crying anymore in my story. :P**

** awesomenest : thank you so much for reviewing! I'm counting on you to tell me if this one sucks. :P**

**Pug**


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